Piccolo's World II
by Mr. Zombie
Summary: Part II to 'Piccolo's World.' The Namek continues to run the planet with drugs and terror.
1. Default Chapter

Piccolo's World II  
  
Here it is, Part II. I hope you enjoy this new story, and although the first chapter isn't very long, the story gets much better and I consider it a better work then my first. If you haven't read the first, I recommend you read it to know what is going on. If you don't feel like reading the other one then by all means go ahead and read this one.  
  
---  
  
Chapter I  
  
Piccolo's Office. . . .  
  
Guldo stood in front of Piccolo's desk with a scared look on his face. Piccolo sat in his giant chair with the back turned. All Guldo could see of his boss was the smoke from the cigar he had.  
  
"I am very disappointed of you, Guldo," Piccolo said calmly, "very disappointed. You let that fool Goku into my mansion without putting an effort to stop him. This angers me."  
  
"I'm sorry sir," Guldo apologized.  
  
"Apology NOT accepted. I don't need cowards working for me."  
  
"It won't happen again sir. I-"  
  
"Shut the fuck up!"  
  
Piccolo pushed the red button on his chair and the floor opened up under Guldo. "Fuck!" Guldo exclaimed as he fell in. It was the classic trapdoor trick. The floor closed and Piccolo straightened his tie. He loved to do that.  
  
---  
  
Elsewhere, at Vegeta's convenience store, Goku slept at the counter as usual. Vegeta was asleep in the back room as usual too. Suddenly, the phone next to Vegeta's old and torn recliner began to ring. At first he thought he was dreaming, but then he awoke and realized it really was ringing.  
  
He quickly picked it up. "Hello?"  
  
There was a click. "Hello?" he said again. "Is anyone there? Say something! You're annoying me! I command you to tell me who you are! C'mon fucker! Don't make me come and kill you! Bastard!"  
  
He hung up the phone and stood up angrily. Someone had wasted his time! Someone had to pay!  
  
"Kakarot!" he shouted opening the door. Goku woke up and said, "That'll be 3.95."  
  
"You fucking idiot," Vegeta growled. "Sleeping on the job again huh?"  
  
"I always sleep on the job," Goku replied.  
  
"Is that so? You want to get fired Kakarot? I won't hesitate to fire you!"  
  
Goku yawned. "I barely get paid anyway."  
  
Vegeta stood there for a moment and then said, "Ah, fuck it."  
  
Vegeta went to the freezer and grabbed a jar of grape jelly. "I noticed you weren't here yesterday, Kakarot."  
  
"I went to Piccolo's. . . . I had to kill King Cold."  
  
Vegeta's eyes widened. "You went to Piccolo's?! You know I hate that green bastard!"  
  
Goku shrugged and laid his head back down. Vegeta grabbed another jar of grape jelly and left the store without saying anything else. He had weed on his mind. An hour went by when Burter came in with one of those laser gun arms that many of Freeza's henchmen h ad used. He walked up to the counter and shouted, "This is a stick-up!"  
  
Goku awoke and held his arms up. "Don't shoot."  
  
"Give me the fuckin' money," Burter ordered. He kept looking over his shoulders.  
  
"There is no money."  
  
"Bullshit. Shut the fuck up and open the fucking register."  
  
Goku did so and there was indeed no money. Burter hadn't expected this. "Uhh, I'll just take some bags of chips then. Where the fuck are they?"  
  
Then, without warning, Goku uppercutted Burter. Burter was launched into the ceiling and into the sky. Goku yawned and fell back to sleep."  
  
---  
  
There was endless laughter. Nothing more, nothing less. Piccolo and Cell sat at the table smoking large amounts of cigars. So much cigars the entire room was smoked out.  
  
"Remember those ten days before I fought you guys?" Cell asked.  
  
Piccolo took a hit. "Yeah, all I did was get high the whole time."  
  
Laughter.  
  
"It just so happens I had come across a farmer's weed farm. It's all I did as well."  
  
More laughter.  
  
"That's why I came up with stupid insults," Cell continued. "I was sooo fuckin' stoned!"  
  
"I was too! I mean come on, I would have defeated those Cell Jr. pricks easily if I hadn't smoked those hundred blunts before I got there."  
  
"That's a lot of weed. . . ."  
  
"Yeah, I thought you were going to slaughter us because the rest of the gang didn't like my strategy of attacking you at the same time and ending the fight quickly. So I smoked all the weed I could."  
  
Cell and Piccolo laughed even more. Their eyes were really bloodshot. There wasn't even a line of white in their eyes. For the next fifteen minutes they talked and smoked. Then Piccolo stood up and said, "I got a phone call I need to make."  
  
He walked into his office and closed the door behind him. He next lit a cigar and picked up the phone. Then Piccolo dialed the number and an annoyed voice asked, "Who is it?"  
  
"Ah, Turles, this is Piccolo," Piccolo replied.  
  
Turles' voice changed from annoyance to happiness. "Ah, Mr. Piccolo. It is always a pleasure to speak with you."  
  
"On the contrary. Listen, I need you to come to Earth. I got a job for you."  
  
"Oh? What is it?"  
  
"I will tell you when you arrive. You won't regret it."  
  
"I can arrive in three days."  
  
"Good."  
  
Piccolo hung up the phone and took a hit of his cigar. It was time to remove someone.  
  
*********************  
  
Okay, that's the end of Chapter I. I hope you got a laugh out of it. Also, if you like this you should read Druggieball Z by The Dbz Dealer. It's a funny fic as well. 


	2. Chapter II

Piccolo's World II  
  
Okay, here it is. Chapter II. Sorry it took a little longer then I had anticipated.  
  
---  
  
Chapter II  
  
Recoome's Taxi Headquarters. . . .  
  
Burter limped into the run-down corner building owned by Recoome and Jeice and Recoome ran over to him.  
  
"Who did this mate?" Jeice asked.  
  
"It was. . . It was. . ." Burter replied weakly.  
  
"Come on, say it already," Recoome said.  
  
"It was that Saiyajin! It was. . . It was. . ."  
  
"Just fucking say it!" Recoome shouted.  
  
"It was. . . Goku!"  
  
"What'd he do that for eh?" Jeice asked.  
  
"I went in to rob his store and he socked me good."  
  
"He won't get away with this," Recoome replied.  
  
"Let's show him what happens when he messes with. . . The Ginyu Force!!" Jeice shouted.  
  
All three went into a pose for several minutes. Then they jumped into a yellow taxi with black tinted windows. Recoome was the driver. Jeice and Burter sat in the back with Jeice behind Recoome. On the way Jeice sparked a blunt and soon all three had a blunt (Jeice had several on him). The car was smoked out and people saw the taxi driving on the wrong side of the road and swerving.  
  
"We're gonna kill him good," Burter said.  
  
"Yeah, if we can find the place," Jeice replied. "I can't see shit."  
  
All three of them laughed. It was true, Recoome had no idea where he was. He simply kept driving.  
  
Hours later. . . .  
  
"That's the place!" Burter exclaimed.  
  
Recoome stopped the taxi right in front of the store.  
  
Goku woke up and saw the taxi's windows roll down. He had no idea who it was. He stretched and yawned and waited for someone to come out. Instead, two ands came of the car (one for each driver-side window. Recoome and Jeice).  
  
"Oh shit," Goku said to himself after realizing what was going to happen. He took cover behind the counter and soon the store was being bombarded by ki blasts.  
  
---  
  
"Yek! Yek! Yek!" Jeice laughed. "Look at that building fry, mate!"  
  
The building was nothing more then a burning ruin. Recoome clapped his hands together. "Victory."  
  
"Let's see if the bastard survived," Jeice said, "guard the car Burter."  
  
"Sure thing," Burter replied.  
  
Jeice and Recoome stepped out of the car and observed the wreckage.  
  
---  
  
Vegeta had just smoked two joints and was feeling pretty damn good when he saw his store completely destroyed.  
  
"FUCK!!!" he shouted louder then ever. It could be heard from blocks away.  
  
Burter saw him and jumped into the driver's seat. Without saying a word he drove off.  
  
"You're gonna die!" Vegeta shouted, and chased after the car.  
  
Jeice pointed at Vegeta. "Look mate, it's Vegeta!"  
  
"Let's kill that fucker!" Recoome shouted.  
  
"Not so fast," Goku said from behind.  
  
Recoome and Jeice both spun around. "You!" they both exclaimed.  
  
"What you did wasn't very nice," Goku told them. "I'm gonna have to kick your ass."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Recoome replied. "I'll squash you like a little bug."  
  
Recoome threw a punch and Goku simply dodged and kicked him in the face. Recoome was knocked out in one shot.  
  
"I'll just kill you myself mate!" Jeice shouted. He threw a punch of his own. Goku caught it and punched him in the face. Jeice was knocked out as well.  
  
---  
  
Vegeta landed on the back of the taxi tore the roof right off. Now it looked like Burter was driving a convertible taxi with black tinted windows.  
  
"Oh SHIT!!" Burter exclaimed.  
  
Burter tried to swerve the car to knock Vegeta off, but it did nothing.  
  
"Time to die Burter!" Vegeta shouted. He grabbed Burter by the back of the neck.  
  
"Vegeta! No! Gah!"  
  
Vegeta snapped his neck and then blasted him. The car swerved off the road and crashed into a building, but Vegeta had already flown off. He landed in the rubble of what used to be his store.  
  
"Kakarot, you fucking bastard!" Vegeta shouted. "You let them destroy the store!"  
  
"I'm sorry Vegeta," Goku apologized.  
  
"Shut the fuck up! Get outta my sight! You're fired bitch!"  
  
"Ah man," Goku said sadly and left.  
  
Vegeta looked at Jeice and Recoome. "Well, Kakarot did something right for once. He killed you guys!"  
  
Then, without another word, Vegeta flew off.  
  
Hours later. . . .  
  
"Ouch, that smarts," Recoome said sitting up and rubbing his face.  
  
"I'll get that bloke," Jeice replied.  
  
When Goku had knocked them out they had looked dead, but as everyone knew, Goku was an idiot and didn't kill all of his enemies. They had looked dead but were far from it.  
  
"Where's Burter?" Recoome asked.  
  
"Vegeta probably killed him," Jeice replied.  
  
"Damn, that sucks."  
  
"Yeah, but oh well."  
  
They flew back to HQ with revenge on their minds.  
  
-------------------  
  
Well, that's that for now. Piccolo wasn't in this chapter, but he will be in the next. Hopefully you got a good laugh, and I'll post Chapter III as soon as I can. 


	3. Chapter III

Piccolo's World II  
  
Chapter II  
  
Piccolo's Office. . . .  
  
The office was entirely smoked out. Piccolo sat behind his desk with a cigar in one hand and a smile on his face. It was a peaceful night. . . unfortunately. Piccolo was about to go asleep when he heard a knocking on the floor. At first he thought he was hearing things because he was really really stoned. However, the knocking turned into pounding. Piccolo put his cigar in his mouth and made his way to where the sound was. It came from the trap door.  
  
"What the fuck?" Piccolo asked himself.  
  
Then, suddenly, a green fist punched the door open. It was none other then Guldo! "I'm free!" he shouted.  
  
"Holy shit!" Piccolo exclaimed. The cigar fell out of his mouth and landed on one of Guldo's eyes. Guldo lost his grip and fell.  
  
Without hesitation Piccolo ran to his chair and closed the trap door. He was breathing hard and had a scared look on his face. That never happened before. A second later Cell came in. "Are you all right Mr. Piccolo?"  
  
Piccolo straightened his tie. "Yes, of course. Get me a glass of water."  
  
"Yes, sir, Mr. Piccolo sir."  
  
Cell left to get the water and Piccolo glanced at the trap door. Hopefully Guldo was dead this time.  
  
---  
  
On his way back to his run-down apartment that night, Goku ran into none other than his good friend Krillen. Krillen seemed to be in a good mood.  
  
"Hey Goku, how's it going?" Krillen said.  
  
"Vegeta fired me," Goku said sadly.  
  
"What a bitch. I got something that'll cheer you up though."  
  
"Nothing can cheer me up. I should just kill myself."  
  
"Nah Goku, that isn't necessary. I got us some of these."  
  
Krillen pulled out a small bag out of his pocket. Inside were shrooms!  
  
"These will cheer you up, Goku."  
  
(Note, shrooms probably won't cheer you up if you're in a shitty mood)  
  
"Shrooms? What are those?"  
  
"You eat 'em and have the time of your life. Can I crash at your place?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. Let's go."  
  
They made their way to the run-down building that Goku lived in. His room was practically empty with the exception of an old and torn couch and a small T.V. The walls were rotting and torn as well. His apartment indeed sucked.  
  
"Well," Krillen said, "let's pop, err, eat these shrooms already."  
  
"So they're really that good?" Goku asked. He thought they were just regular edible mushrooms.  
  
"Yep."  
  
They sat down on the couch and Krillen set the bag down between them. Goku grabbed one and ate it. Within a second Goku shouted, "What the fuck?! That tasted like shit!"  
  
Krillen ate one. "Yeah, but we gotta eat."  
  
"You said they were good."  
  
"Taste good to me."  
  
Goku sighed and ate another. These things tasted horrible, but Krillen was right. They had to eat. Soon the bag was gone and Goku felt like he was going to vomit. Krillen seemed normal.  
  
"Let's watch T.V.," Krillen said.  
  
"It doesn't work."  
  
"What? Why the fuck do you have it then?"  
  
Goku shrugged and laid his head back. He began to notice the walls and ceiling were changing color. As a matter of fact, everything was except him. For some reason he didn't tell Krillen. Suddenly the walls began to flash and the room around him began to spin. Goku pictured himself sitting on the couch and seeing this from a third-person view.  
  
"Krillen, what the fuck is going on?"  
  
There was no reply. Goku turned and saw that he was gone! Suddenly everything stopped spinning (but not flashing) and someone kicked down his door. None other then an angry looking Vegeta wearing his old Saiyajin armor came in. His skin was blue and his hair was red. His eyes were completely green.  
  
"Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed.  
  
Vegeta's voice was like an echo. "That's right, Kakarot! YOU'RE FIRED!!"  
  
"No, don't fire me Vegeta," Goku begged.  
  
Vegeta pointed at him. There was a colorful afterimage from the movement. "Now Kakarot, YOU WILL DIE!!"  
  
"Nooooo!" Goku jumped out the window. However, there was no city below him. Only darkness. Goku continued to see himself as a third-person view as he fell into the dark oblivion.  
  
A second later he hit the ground and was lying on the street. The buildings around him were different colors, and the sky was green. The street was orange.  
  
"Good God," Goku said to himself. He covered his face with his hands. He had no idea what was going on.  
  
"Get up, Kakarot," a voice ordered him. It wasn't Vegeta. Goku looked up and saw his father Bardock!  
  
"Father?"  
  
"That's right Kakarot. Now get up."  
  
"I can't father. I can't feel my legs."  
  
"Are you fucking stupid Kakarot? Your legs are fine! Now don't disgrace me and get up!"  
  
Goku stood up and faced Bardock.  
  
"Good. I have come to warn you of two great evils that are coming. You must show your true Saiyajin heritage and kill them first."  
  
"I can't. I hate to kill."  
  
"Yeah, that's the fucking problem. You are a disgrace to your family and race! You must redeem yourself!"  
  
---  
  
Jeice and Recoome turned the corner in their taxi and saw none other then Goku standing in the road talking to himself.  
  
"Well I'll be damned mate," Jeice said. "Just the guy we were looking for."  
  
Recoome stopped the car. "Let's kill his gay ass."  
  
They got out and approached him.  
  
---  
  
"The enemies approach!" Bardock exclaimed.  
  
Goku turned around and saw King Cold and Freeza! (Recoome was King Cold, Jeice was Freeza)  
  
"Oh no!" Goku exclaimed.  
  
Goku turned back around and realized Bardock was gone.  
  
"Hello there big boy," Freeza said. "We're gonna kill ya!"  
  
"Hmm, indeed," King Cold replied.  
  
"Stay back," Goku ordered.  
  
Recoome and Jeice looked at each other confused.  
  
"I think not. Hmm," King Cold said.  
  
"Heh heh. Good comeback father. Heh heh," Freeza said.  
  
"You destroyed my home planet Freeza!" Goku shouted.  
  
Recoome and Jeice turned around expecting to see Freeza. They saw no one.  
  
"I'm getting real tired of this planet," King Cold said. "Let's destroy it."  
  
"Yes," Freeza replied. "Let's do the smart thing."  
  
"No!" Goku shouted. "I will kill you first!"  
  
Jeice and Recoome glanced at each other again.  
  
With one energy blast Goku disintegrated Freeza aka Jeice.  
  
"That all you got?" King Cold asked.  
  
"Fucker!" Recoome shouted. "You'll regret killing Jeice!"  
  
Goku didn't hear Recoome. With another energy blast Goku destroyed King Cold aka Recoome.  
  
"Yay!" Goku cheered. He danced around and laughed while the world around him flashed with color. He had redeemed himself!!  
  
Two days later Krillen found Goku sleeping in a field. He woke him up.  
  
"What happened?" Goku asked.  
  
"I don't know. We were sitting on the couch when you started talking to yourself and suddenly jumped out the window. That's all I remember before the shrooms kicked in. I woke up in a trash can."  
  
"Damn," Goku said. "That was nuts."  
  
And that was that.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
That's the end of Chapter III. I hope you thought it was funny like the rest. Tell your friends about Piccolo's World =) 


	4. Chapter IV

Here it is, the fourth and final chapter of Piccolo's World II. In response to a question. . . . I didn't put up certain characters because, quite frankly, I didn't feel like adding any of those. . . . and I don't really like Gohan. So anyway, here it is.  
  
---  
  
Piccolo's World II  
  
Chapter IV  
  
---  
  
Piccolo was sitting at his desk smoking a cigar when Cell came in.  
  
"Mr. Piccolo," Cell said. "Turles is here."  
  
Piccolo straightened his tie. "Good. Send him in."  
  
Cell left and Turles came in wearing full Saiyajin armor and wearing a scouter. They shook hands and Turles took a seat in front of the desk.  
  
"It is an honor to serve you," Turles said. "I like what you did to Earth. It looks great. . . My kind of planet."  
  
"Yes, indeed," Piccolo replied. "I told you you wouldn't regret coming here. If you accept the job, I offer you an endless supply of weed. Whenever you need it, I can hook you up good."  
  
"Now I know why nobody likes to kill Nameks. I like your offer. What's the job?"  
  
Piccolo straightened his tie. "I want you to kill Goku, err, Kakarot."  
  
"Well how fortunate that it is such an assignment. I hate that fucker."  
  
"Yes, but Go-Kakarot is strong. I made this Special Special Cigar just for the mission."  
  
Piccolo pulled a cigar out of his jacket. "One hit of this will not only heal you, but also give you a boost of power."  
  
Turles grinned. "I like that. Consider Kakarot dead."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I have a question though. . . why don't you kill him?"  
  
"Because his fucking friends will attack me. . . . I don't need that shit. Besides, I really don't feel like it either."  
  
"Ah, I see. Very well then."  
  
They shook hands and Turles left to complete his mission. He was going to live his days a happy Saiyajin after this was finished.  
  
---  
  
Goku opened the door to his apartment and saw someone standing in the shadows.  
  
"Who's there?" Goku asked.  
  
Turles stepped into the light. "Me, bitch!"  
  
He attacked Goku and punched him in the face. Goku was caught off-guard, so the punch hurt him. Turles kneed him in the stomach and bashed him to the ground.  
  
"You always were weak," Turles said.  
  
"Fuck you!" Goku shouted and kicked him in the face. Turles was launched through the window and he stopped in mid-air. Goku appeared behind him and punched him in the back of the head. He hit the road below headfirst. Goku landed beside him. "Surrender and you will live, Turles."  
  
Without saying a word Turles stood back up and threw a punch. Goku dodged and began bombarding him with kicks and punches. Turles' body was beaten and bruised, and his armor was fucked up.  
  
"Last chance," Goku said.  
  
Turles made an evil laugh and pulled the cigar from his armor. Goku shrugged and watched. Turles lit it with a small finger beam and took a hit. His wounds healed and his muscles grew.  
  
"Holy shit!" Turles exclaimed. "That's some damn good weed!"  
  
Turles jumped onto his feet and hit Goku as hard as he could. Goku crashed into a building.  
  
"This Special Special Cigar holds unbelievable power," Turles said.  
  
"You're full of shit!" Goku shouted not believing him for some reason. He attacked and Turles punched him again and Goku was knocked into the building again.  
  
"Damn," Goku said. "Kaioken!"  
  
He powered up and charged Turles much quicker this time. The two dodged and exchanged blows until Turles landed a shot that knocked Goku off his feet.  
  
"God damn I'm good," Turles congratulated himself.  
  
"Man, fuck this shit," Goku said angrily. He went Super Saiyajin. Turles' scouter read a very high power level before exploding. Goku jumped up and uppercut him. Turles was launched into the air. "So long, Turles," Goku said.  
  
In the air Turles took another hit. His power increased even more. "Hell yeah!" he shouted. He flew back down but Goku kicked him against a wall. Super Saiyajin was too much for him.  
  
Turles took three giant hits and he gained so much power that an aura surrounded him. "How the fuck?" Goku asked himself.  
  
Turles grinned and threw an energy attack. Goku dodged and threw his own. Turles slapped it aside. Goku disappeared and reappeared in front of Turles. He threw a punch but Turles caught it.  
  
"I am ultimate," Turles told him, and kicked him in the stomach. Goku full to his knees holding his stomach. "You are irrelevant, Kakarot."  
  
Turles was so powerful he could fight a Super Saiyajin in his regular state. Goku didn't understand, even though it was quite obviously the cigar.  
  
"Get up," Turles ordered.  
  
Goku did so and said, "I'm tired of this."  
  
He charged his favorite attack. The kamehameha. Turles simply laughed. "None of your weak attacks will work against me, Kakarot."  
  
Goku suddenly went Super Saiyajin 3 and threw the even more powerful attack. The power was overwhelming, and Turles hadn't taken enough hits to withstand such an attack. The Saiyajin was destroyed.  
  
---  
  
Piccolo was sitting in his office when Guldo suddenly burst through the floor again. "I'm free again!" he exclaimed happily.  
  
"God damn son of a bitch!" Piccolo shouted angrily. He shot an energy blast and finally killed Guldo. He straightened his tie and sat back in his chair. Suddenly two silver arms burst through the wall from behind and grabbed Piccolo. The look on Piccolo's face was indescribable.  
  
Piccolo landed on his lawn and stood up to face Kooler! He was in his final form.  
  
"Holy shit!" Piccolo exclaimed.  
  
"That's right," Kooler replied. "I heard you were responsible for my father and brother's death. My family has a long history of dying on Earth. You shall pay, you green bastard."  
  
Piccolo pulled out the last existing Special Special Cigar and took a gigantic hit. He threw a punch and knocked Kooler's head off.  
  
"Well, that was easy," Piccolo said and went back into his office. He would smoke many cigars that day-much like any other day.  
  
THE END  
  
Cast:  
  
Piccolo  
  
Vegeta  
  
Goku  
  
Cell  
  
Burter  
  
Jeice  
  
Recoome  
  
Turles  
  
Krillen  
  
King Cold (hallucination)  
  
Freeza (hallucination)  
  
Kooler  
  
Guldo  
  
Bardock (hallucination)  
  
Blue Vegeta (hallucination)  
  
---  
  
Never fear, I have written a Piccolo's World III!!!! 


End file.
